Today, I was asked by a friend to explain why I thought feminism was relevant. The conversation was in regards to the videos posted by the man who went on a shooting spree in Santa Barbara last night.
A link to the specific video in question can be found here:
http://jezebel.com/suspected-ucsb-shooter-posted-disturbing-video-detailin-1581072674
And additional videos he made can be found here:
http://jezebel.com/elliot-rodgers-final-videos-racist-postings-leaked-1581163115
(TRIGGER WARNING ON ALL OF THOSE VIDEOS.)
Basically, I posited that the mentality of this clearly disturbed, deeply misogynistic man is, in itself, an example of why we need feminism. A friend of mine required further clarification of that statement, so I took some time to think about it and tried my best to explain my reasoning to him. The paragraphs below are what I came up with. I thought it might make for a good addition to this blog, because feminism is important to me, and maybe this will help people understand where I’m coming from.
I think, first and foremost, it’s important to define what “feminism” means to me, because there are a lot of people who would assume that by calling myself a feminist, I must hate men, or that I want to establish a matriarchy that would give all the power to women. That’s nonsense. What I want is equal rights. I could just as easily call it “humanism”, but for the specific issue we’re talking about here, it’s dealing with the fact that women are being looked down upon, and so I’ll call it feminism. For me, feminism is about empowering women and girls, helping them to realize that their value as people is measured in more ways than just how men perceive them, which I think is important in a society that consistently objectifies and sexualizes our gender. Feminism is also about letting women have control over their own bodies. You asked for examples of society marginalizing women, well, how about the fact that half of our country doesn’t believe that I should have the right to decide whether or not I’d like to reproduce. (But I’ll save the lengthy discussion about abortion and birth control for another day.) Another example of the need for equality is the gender gap in pay, as well as the general way in which working women are expected to “have it all” (which really means “do it all”) whereas you never here this ridiculous concept applied to men.
But in this specific instance, in this video, you have an obviously disturbed individual who flat out says that he wants to kill women because they rejected him. He clearly states that he believes he’s entitled to the love and affection of these women, when any rational person knows that you are never entitled to the affection of another person. I want to be clear in the fact that I don’t believe all men think this way. I know they don’t. (Because, for the record, men can be feminists too. I’m dating one.) But a simple internet search of the term “friendzone” will bring up scores of forums and subreddits filled with men spouting these exact same principles of entitlement. It’s joked about in movies and on TV. Memes about it go viral. It’s commonplace to label women as a bunch of bitches who only date super aggressive bad boys and ignore these poor “nice guys.” Here’s the thing, if you’re only being nice to someone because you expect something in return, you’re not nice. You’re manipulative. The whole idea of “Nice Guys” and “The Friendzone” basically takes responsibility off of the guy in question and places it solely on the woman. It’s not that he was being a manipulative ass, it’s that she’s being a frigid bitch. It’s dangerous that this mindset has become so commonplace because, as we’ve just seen, it can pervade the minds of those people who are already deeply disturbed and make them feel like these “bitches” who are reduced to sub-human standards deserve to die. Or deserve to be raped. Or deserved to be harassed to no end on the internet. Pick your poison, and I guarantee you that some asshole has done it to a woman because “she deserved it.”
To try and divorce this guy’s obvious misogyny from his actions, to say that it’s only a result of being depressed or mentally ill, is frankly preposterous. Of course he’s mentally ill. He also hates women. If he had posted a video saying he hated black people right before he went and shot a bunch of black people, we wouldn’t be arguing over whether or not he was depressed or mentally ill, we’d be calling him a racist. People would not be out of line in calling for a societal response to that sort of thing. And guess what? We have! That’s how hate crime legislation came about. And yet, in our society, when someone commits a very obvious crime against women, there is no stricter punishment. In fact, you’ll find that drug offenses are often punished more severely than rape and sexual assault. Oh, and don’t even get me started on how the onus is so often placed on the victim to prove that she was raped, rather than on the rapist. Because, depending on where we are, what we’re wearing, how much we drink, etc… we’re potentially “asking for it.”
And so I speak out about these things. Yes, I’m passionate about the need for feminism because I see so many examples every day of the inequality that surrounds me. Right now, there are more people (or maybe just louder people) spouting the rhetoric that women are not equal to men than there are people who are standing up for our rights. But I feel like the more people hear a different opinion, the more they’ll start to listen to it. Again, I don’t expect to change everyone’s mind. But I want to challenge people to examine their beliefs. It’s not okay that women make less in this country than men, simply because we’re women. It’s not okay that we’re being told we shouldn’t have the final say over our own reproductive rights. And it’s really not okay that the internet at large seems to think it’s the responsibility of women to indulge the desires of men we don’t want just because “they’re nice”, and if we don’t, well then maybe we deserve the consequences.
I hope that is enough of an explanation for you. I could go on and on, but I feel like it would be more productive to have a conversation about it in person rather than trading comments on a Facebook post. And if you really are interested in feminism, I highly suggest you research it more. There are plenty of women out there who have articulated the need for feminism far better than I just have.
Eff That S! 