Have you been called a bitch lately? Have you called someone else that? Do you refer to yourself as a bitch? Is that a compliment?
The word “bitch” can take on many meanings for many people. It’s unarguably the most gendered insult out there. Even when directed at men, it’s still meant to suggest that said man is acting like a woman, which apparently is the worst thing any man can do according to some people. (You know, people who need to have their heads surgically removed from their asses on a semi-regular basis.) Usually, bitch is an insult directed towards a woman who is speaking or acting “out of turn.” Over the years, many women have tried to reclaim the word and make it empowering. Perhaps the most obvious example of this is Meredith Brooks’ iconic 90s ode to girl power.
(My sincerest apologies for getting that stuck in your head for the next week.)
As an outspoken, strong-willed woman, I’ve often been called a bitch. Mostly, I’m okay with that. If speaking my mind and standing up for myself and others makes me a bitch, then it’s a title I’ll happily embrace. Many of my best girl friends have been described as bitchy for being equally strong-willed and opinionated, and to quote Ms. Brooks, I wouldn’t want it any other way. In a world that forces unrealistic and often unattainable standards on woman, while demanding us to be perfect examples of grace and composure at all times, I happen to think that embracing our “bitchiness” is one of the few methods by which we can assert ourselves and promote our own agendas.
Now, I want to make something absolutely clear. When I say being “bitchy” is a good thing, I’m NOT talking about being catty, rude, or mean. I’m talking about daring to be yourself in a society that demands conformity and submission. A good bitch is strong, unafraid, and confident. A good bitch can defend herself when people try to hurt her or knock her down a peg. A good bitch is not afraid to let her star shine brightly. And perhaps most importantly, good bitches appreciate and embrace the bonds of sisterhood. We good bitches stick together in order to help and support each other, knowing that all too often, the deck is stacked against us. I’m damn proud to be a good bitch.
However, as we all know, not every bitch is a good bitch. There are definitely some big, bad bitches out there. Bitches who are vapid, who lie, who cheat, and who steal. Bitches who think they’re better than everyone else, who can’t be bothered to care about the needs of others, and who actively strive to tear down other women in an attempt to build themselves up. In fact, some of the most misogynistic statements I’ve ever heard have been spoken by women. I was guilty of this, once upon a time. I thought that the best way to become equal with men was to become “one of the guys” and I did that by criticizing and insulting my own gender. I had no regard or respect for sisterhood, and for all my efforts, I received no more respect from men than I receive now. In fact, I was far less respected. See, here’s the thing: No one will respect you if you don’t respect yourself. Bad bitches don’t have much self-respect or self-esteem, despite their frequently ostentatious behavior. Sure, mean girls might come off as super confident, but that’s just a feeble front to cover up deep-rooted insecurity and often, loneliness.
So the question I want to pose to all of you today is, are you a good bitch or a bad bitch? Do you stand up for what you believe in regardless of what anyone else thinks about you? Or do you hide behind a facade of cattiness and cruelty because you can’t face up to your own insecurities? Do you empower other women who are, most likely, struggling with the same problems and issues that you struggle with? Or do you belittle women who fight for sisterhood and equality because you’re too scared or too lazy to do it yourself? Because if you’re a good bitch, I want to know you. I want to be friends with you and support you and love you because we’re all in this together. But if you’re a bad bitch, then you can just fuck right off. And while you’re at it, please stop and take a good, hard look at your life, because you’re on the wrong side of this. You’ll never achieve greatness by turning your back on your sisters. And you’ll never find happiness either.
Eff That S! 